Stop the Shame: how to boost your confidence and love the body you have
If you have ever visited the likes of Kloe Kardashian on Instagram you would've seen the flood of hate-fueled comments about the way she looks. The #StopTheShame campaign is the latest attempt to abolish the hatered and instead "promote a bigger sense of all-round self-confidence in our lives".
#StopTheShame campaign was set up by an Irish Magazine company, Stellar because they are simply fed up with people altering themselves to gain approval of their online likers and followers.
We've all been there; You take what you think is a pretty awesome selfie or a cute bikini holiday snap and share it on Twitter or Instagram. Give it a minute. Cue that sarky comment about your imperfect makeup or cellulite. Whether it's a friend or a sibling joking with you or a genuine hater, those comments cut deep.
Now of course, when it comes to social networks nowadays there is certainly a new rule or two in the etiquette of posting and commenting etc but I'll touch on that in a later post. But for now, I will say that everything you post online will stay online forever even long after you die! It's like your legacy. So everytime you post something (a status, a photo, a comment), think about in so many years time when you have your own kiddies or even grandkiddies, how would you feel if they seen it? Would you want them to see it? I'm not saying to never ever post anything ever but just be tactful about it.
I have seen women of all shapes and sizes sharing photos of themselves in their new lingerie for their other halves to see or young girls on party weekends posing with phallic-shaped objects (Penis-shaped things, if your unsure what I meant). Now, I don't really want to see these pictures of you so I'm not going to go looking for it but when I see it in my newsfeed I'm not going to make a remark about it either. So no hunting out bad photos m'kay?
But what can I do to #StopTheShame?
You can start with yourself! By boosting your own self-appriciation, self-acceptance and overall self-confidence you will be strong enough to stand above the haters and happier than you will only want to share this good stuff around! Here are some of my tips to build your own body confidence:
💖Stop body hating
What?! As if it's that easy! Ha! Well it is. Women are notorious for ganging together to take it in turns to share what they hate about their body. I never really experienced this as I've always felt pretty good about myself until recently a friend and I were catching some rays and she stated what she hated about her legs. She paused and waited for me to mirror her comment with a similar insecurity. BUT instead of nitpicking the shitsticks in your life, look at the wonderful things! If your ever about to let a negative comment slip from your lips, stop, and comment on something that looks great on you today.
Bonus: You can say it to yourself in your head, too.
💖Accept and give compliments
Nothing drives me more up the wall than when I sincerely compliment someone and they wont accept it AND tell me how crap/fat/dull/frumpy they look instead. STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT NOW. Sure, sometimes I really am having a frumpy day (preach it, sista!) but I still make the point to thank someone when they have complimented me and you know what? It actually starts to make me feel pretty damn good about myself. And you know how good that feeling is? Pay it back! Compliment someone else, pass it on. Let's start a chain of compliments! And it doesn't have to be a phsical attribute, it can be something else like maybe you just really enjoyed talking to them or whatever.
💖See yourself how you'd want others to see you
Fake it till you make it, am I right girls? Channel your inner Beyonce or who ever and strut your stuff like your about to be scouted for a Vogue cover. How you envision yourself is how others will see you so set yourself up from the start and choose to be a powerful, sexy, happy woman who is in control of your own life. Even on the crappiest of days, I get out of my damn bed, brush my damn hair, put on what ever damn clothes and makeup I want and I get back out there. Simply fake your confidence until it flows naturally. See what other confident girls are doing? Get yourself some of that, throw your head back and laugh, accept your compliments and feel the fear but do it anyway. You got this!
But what if I'm a Body-Shamer?
Well then you need to stop what your doing right this minute! Let's not lie here, we are all body shamers in some shape or form. As if you never looked enviously at another girl's photo and picked fault with something insignificant. Sure, you never commented on something (or maybe you have) but you thought about it. You thought negatively about someone else. Now we can all sit here and feel shit about ourselves or we can change the way we think.
Like I mentioned above about having a negative thought about yourself? Apply the same rule to others. If you have a crap/jealous/unnecessary thought towards someone, stop yourself in your tracks and instead think of something good to say about the image.
Points to remember:
- Don't shame or criticise another person's body. There could be any number reasons (preferance, money issues, eating disorders etc) as to why they look that way and you shouldn't call it out because it's not to your liking.
- Fat/skinny/large/thin etc are only words. The are descriptive words such as tall, sporty, funny etc. They aren't insults nor are they compliments so don't treat them that way.
- Everyone's body looks the same disproportioned way when you look directly down at your toes. Your stomach pouts a little, your thighs are curved, your ribcage juts out sightly. This is the natural form of your lovely body as it works hard to protect those organs. Also, people will only ever look at you straight on so what are you even worrying about that for?
- When you sit down everyone has those little puffy rolls. I'm tall with a thin frame and I have them! Even my body-building chum!
- Dress by your standards, not by the standards set by fashion trends or others.
- Adding to the above point: Dress for the body you have, not the body you want. You feel far more comfortable and confident knowing your clothes fit well and are flattering. I'll have a post on this laterz if you like.
Will you be taking a stand to #StopTheShame? It's time we are more encouraging and empowering to one another! As part of my stand to #StopTheShame I am going to enforce my points above and make sure my online presence is as positive as it can be! I'm also going to tag a few bloggers to spread the #StopTheShame campaign.
You can join in on the campaign by writing about it, sharing it on Instagram and/or Twitter and tagging your friends to join in too. And of course by actually practising what you preach! Will you help #StopTheShame?